You could say by 9th grade I had a lot going for me. I got along with my classmates, even if there wasn’t a lot of socializing outside of school. I had a few close friends who went to public school, and we still got together often. I was playing basketball and had made the varsity team. And that first year of high school I was making good grades and doing well in class. And yet …
Yet somehow there was still room to write this.
I honestly don’t remember what inspired this poem, what specific thing happened to prompt writing this. It was kind of a shock to find when looking through old files, but there are a few lines that seem familiar. No matter. It’s another clear indication that things weren’t okay. There were definitely problems beneath the surface, problems that for whatever reason I didn’t feel I could vocalize directly.
This was written at the end of my freshman year in high school.
No one’s here
The darkness is too much
It smothers me
Like a single grain of salt down a deep deep hole
Crying out for rescue
But getting no reply
There in the distance
Is one candle lit
Thinking it’s my help
I walk towards it
Instead of getting closer
I only grow farther
Because it doesn’t care
About little lost me
If I say, “Surely darkness shall hide me, and night shall be my light” — Darkness is not dark for you, and night shines as the day. Darkness and light are but one.”
I came across this verse recently, and it’s a good reminder that even darkness can’t hide us from God. We aren’t alone, no matter how alone we may feel.