Poem: Questions for My Sister

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I grew up with Andrew, my brother who is two years older, but we have a sister, too. She was stillborn because of umbilical cord complications. She would have been three years older than me.

My parents named her Lauren Elizabeth.

While growing up, I’d often wonder how our family would be different if she were alive. How our relationships would be different. Thinking of how maybe, just maybe, when I felt like I couldn’t confide in anyone else, I probably would have been able to turn to her. Longing for that sisterly advice. I generally got along great with my brother, but there are just some topics you can’t really bring up.

When I was really struggling with something, there was also this sense of viewing myself as the screw up and Lauren as likely being the perfect child. Isn’t it amazing? I managed to find a way to be jealous of this idealistic image I had created of what my sister might have been like. That sounds so twisted to type out, but that’s what happened. There were thoughts like: She’d probably have no trouble engaging in conversation. She’d be the life of the party. Everyone would love her.

I remember writing this poem on the bus on the way to school. I transition into deep reflection very well. I like turning over ideas in my head and thinking about many different things. It’s just not always so easy to express those thoughts out loud.


I wonder what you look like
I guess I’ll never know
What color are your eyes?
Are they big and innocent?
Do they twinkle and dance
When someone special
Comes into view?
What color is your hair?
Brown or black?
Is it long and flowing?
Soft like a cat?
Do you have freckles
Scattered across your face?
Do you wear glasses?
I bet you look intelligent
If you do.

I wonder how you act?
Are you quiet and sweet?
Or outgoing and strong?
Do you have a sense of humor?
Could we talk
For hours at a time
About absolutely nothing?
Would you give me advice
Every time I ask?
Would you toss me away like trash
Whenever your friends show up
Or could I stay and hang out?

What’s your favorite color?
The green of new life
The purity of white
The sparkling gold of the sun
Or the ocean blue?

My questions are never ending
But my love I am sending
To you, Lauren, my sister
Whom I’ve never met

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