Preschool through 8th grade: Where do things stand?

Screenshot 2017-06-18 at 12.29.22 PM

Since my preschool diagnosis of sensory processing disorder and the completion of eighth grade means about 10 years have passed, I thought I would do a review of how things have progressed. I’m looking to address these questions:

  • What areas seemed to have improved?
  • Have I grown out of anything?
  • What am I still struggling with?
  • Has anything new developed?

If you missed my big rundown of sensory issues, you can find it here. And don’t worry, throughout this list, there will be links back to appropriate blog posts to offer further explanation. 

Continue reading “Preschool through 8th grade: Where do things stand?”

Seeing yourself through eyes of faith

Part of what forms your self-esteem and self-confidence is knowing who you are. I had images of a wallflower who was unsure of what to say, convinced everyone else’s opinions were more important, images of a clumsy kid who didn’t need any help tripping over her own feet. While to some degree I was shy and quiet, there was so much more going on beneath the surface. Things that I couldn’t quite put my finger on to explain. (I’ve illustrated some of that here.)

What I’ve come to understand, though, is that the true strength of knowing who you are is in your relationship with God and Jesus, in your faith. It’s through faith that you really achieve a true, complete sense of self. The flaws, talents, insecurities etc. are put into more proper perspective.

Not that I completely knew it at the time, and certainly not during eighth grade. I knew God and faith were important. I knew prayer was important. There were reminders for me all over the house. We had multiple crucifixes throughout the house, and I had one in my room near my bed. I even had a small plastic statue of St. Joseph that glowed in the dark. There were other devotionals, tools and images of our faith in different rooms.

Continue reading “Seeing yourself through eyes of faith”

Why are school dances so awkward?

635943577051188102145452964_napoleo
Movie: Napoleon Dynamite

Seriously? Why are school dances so incredibly awkward?

If it’s not completely segregated with boys on one side of the gym/cafeteria and girls on the other for a full hour, then it’s a matter of dancing with someone with two feet of space between you.

Or maybe the space thing had to do with the Catholic school dance experience. You have to “leave room for the Holy Spirit,” after all.

I was not comfortable with my body, comfortable in trying new moves. I was the self-conscious kid who very much didn’t want to look stupid.

And yet, I did show up. That’s something. I didn’t just avoid these experiences altogether. (Good job, young Lindsay, for pushing yourself and testing out different environments!)

Continue reading “Why are school dances so awkward?”

Becoming a Lady Ram

rossview-middle-school-girls-basketball-3

First, I need to offer a glimpse of playing basketball during sixth grade. It was pretty routine with practices and games. I do remember jumping the bleachers. Seriously we jumped from the floor up to the next bleacher, and then continued jumping up.

It looked something like this video, except we were jumping on bleachers and not the stairs. It required a higher vertical jump. And the part I remember most is how scary it was; I was afraid of completely missing the next bleacher. I never did miss, but that scared feeling never went away.

The highlight of the year was participating in the Catholic diocesan tournament. Schools from all over the state met in Charleston for the big showdown. I remember being so much taller than the opponents and yet not completely sure how to handle that. While on defense, there would be a short girl dribbling in my direction but focusing on the ball. So when she looked up to shoot, you could see her eyes widen in panic as my arms were fully extended and she had no view of the basket. Yet, despite the edge in height, I never took full advantage. I grabbed rebounds and had trouble keeping the ball above my head; I always wanted to bring it down. It took quite a while to learn that part and, I guess, build up the muscle memory in the arms. But that tournament was a lot of fun. Our team won first place!

When it came time to try out for the public school team, I was scared. There was a very healthy dose of fear that I wouldn’t make the team. Nothing was assumed. I knew being tall didn’t guarantee me anything. I still needed to demonstrate having talent and skills, and I wasn’t convinced I had those. I was still harnessing and finessing the fundamentals. But at tryouts there were two other girls who were closer in height. So I didn’t feel like such a freak show. (By the end of seventh grade, I recorded my height as 6 feet, so at some point I grew an additional two inches from sixth grade.)

crossover_dribble

Crossover dribble

I remember a drill during tryouts where we went one-on-one against someone at the foul line. I didn’t feel real adept in the ball handling department. But over the summer during basketball camp we simulated this drill when we learned about the crossover dribble. I had enough awareness to realize the coaches wanted to see what kind of moves we would make, yet most of the others trying out just dribbled to the right and took a shot. My turn came and I did the crossover dribble for an attempted (and hopefully successful) left-handed layup. The coaches were impressed by this. I still wasn’t convinced it was an actual skill. Yes it occurred to me during a drill but it wouldn’t have naturally unfolded if it was a real pressure situation.  At least I didn’t think it would. The fact that I did it during tryouts seemed like a minor detail because I had time to think and strategize. (Owning and acknowledging abilities was still a challenge.)

But I did make the team. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise anyone. It was a great experience! Not the running part. We did more conditioning than I was used to. Suicide drills are a method of pure torture, in case you were wondering.

I had run them before in sixth grade, but we ran them more often in seventh. These were so tricky because it requires running as fast as you can to a certain spot and then bending down and touching the floor and then quickly turning to run back. That’s a lot of movement in a short amount of time. And getting my body to cooperate, especially at my height, was a challenge. But boy did it paid off! I was in better shape from the previous year. And that helped with getting up and down the court.

We had excellent, scrappy guards who made tons of steals. A lot of our points came from fast breaks. Although as a center, I still had to run down court in pursuit. Scoring wasn’t a guarantee because one guard in particular had trouble slowing down to shoot so sometimes those layups ricocheted off the glass.

The one play that stands out for me is when I actually made a steal! I was able to read the court and anticipate that the player was going to pass. I had an opening, so I intercepted the pass and went running down court at top speed. There was no way of balancing running and dribbling while also checking to see if anyone was following; I had to maintain tunnel vision on the goal. The internal thought process was merely: Make the layup, please make the layup, don’t screw this up.  It was totally exhilarating!

Being a part of this team brought a sense of respect in the school. We played very well. I finally felt like I had a place where I fit. During seventh grade, we were undefeated!! Not many teams get to say that.

 

 

I became the chameleon: Missing out on community

article-2118095-12400149000005dc-968_964x720
Artist known as Invisible Man

Upon reflecting some on what I wrote for sixth grade (read that here), it occurred to me that I had actually transformed into that chameleon that I so desperately wanted to be. (If you missed that one, you can find it here.)

I really thought I reached that level much later in life, but in all honesty, the proof is shown during the misery of sixth grade.

Continue reading “I became the chameleon: Missing out on community”

Poem: Nobody (2 versions)

hide_in_a_corner_by_yaraklaproos-d2yd4vv

This poem is a bit psychotic and probably sounds suicidal. While written during my second semester of college, it really channels the depression and isolation I felt in 6th grade (If you haven’t heard that post, you can see it here.)

I only went so far as to pick scabs in the way of self-harm. In no way am I condoning or encouraging self-mutilation. But to a degree I can understand what leads a person to that point. When you’ve been bullied physically, verbally and/or emotionally, you can feel powerless and that maybe if you’re the one causing pain, you can gain back some control. But you’re only sinking deeper into a dark place.

I’m not sharing this poem to glorify anything but to illustrate the emotion of this time in my life. If you or someone you know is suicidal or may be at risk of committing self-harm, please seek professional help to work through the problems. Help is available. Talk to trusted adults.

And if someone comes to you and shares about their problems, LISTEN! Listen and take them seriously. And seek intervention.

Continue reading “Poem: Nobody (2 versions)”

6th grade: The year from hell

School makes her bored
MamaMia (teaching daughter not to be a bully)

Note: Not all of what I’m going to share is specifically sensory related. However it all interconnects in showing how being self-conscious about areas where I struggled and felt different impacted my self-confidence. While this is humiliating to recount, it’s necessary in order to show the full picture. So it needs to be shared.

Also, I’m not calling anyone out by name. That’s not the point of writing about it. So anyone reading who happened to go to school with me at this time, don’t try to figure out who I’m referencing. Many people do stupid stuff when they’re this age. Kids are mean. It’s unfortunately universal. … Moving on.

Continue reading “6th grade: The year from hell”

The body image factor for self-esteem

d190ba0ef49bff472d4e256958e3a13c

My parents were concerned about how my height would impact things as I repeated 4K. It did. I was self-conscious about it. But being tall is one of those characteristics you really can’t change.

I attempted to fit in better by slouching and not standing up as tall as I could. I even remember several occasions in elementary school of kneeling to talk to someone much shorter than me just so we were more eye level. Which seems generous, except it sometimes happened while trying to walk. (Oh, that makes me cringe!) It took a very long time to be proud of my height.

Continue reading “The body image factor for self-esteem”

How this writer got her start

readingtoclass

Teachers are sneaky about finding ways to get students familiar with talking in front of the class.

In kindergarten, first grade and maybe even second grade, it’s disguised as show and tell. You’re bringing in an item from home that you love and talking about it. Early on, teachers emphasize the importance of sharing what you love.

That’s public speaking in its purest form. Eye contact isn’t evaluated as much and neither is the smoothness of your delivery. You’re just sharing to the best of your ability.

So those are good building blocks that progress through each grade level.

Continue reading “How this writer got her start”

Around the world in 15 minutes: The importance of goal setting

In second grade we were learning our multiplication tables. I believe we covered 0 x 0 through 12 x 12. But we weren’t simply learning these answers. Our teacher wanted it to become second nature, so you could see the combination and instantly rattle off the answer. Yes, it has tremendous real-life applications, but for students with learning disabilities, it’s a bit more difficult.

We had these quick tests where we had to solve 20 to 30 problems within a minute. Well it wasn’t simply testing your knowledge of the material but how quickly you could recall it. If your brain has trouble relaying information in time, quick recall isn’t going to be a strong suit. Those tests were more anxiety-inducing for me than demonstrating academic mastery.

Continue reading “Around the world in 15 minutes: The importance of goal setting”